Monthly Archives: August 2013

Tuscaloosa News Hired Someone Who Sorta Knows Photoshop

And they made a Back to the Future/Bama graphic and it is a steaming pile of shit. See:


Rage. Just so much fucking rage. We’re going to start copying your piece of shit newspaper word for word and posting the entire thing here. 5 articles, a month? You really don’t understand how this paywall thing is supposed to work. God why can’t this shit fucking paper fail already.


Just Wow

We were gonna post about the fact that the CeeDub has basically lost all of its teeth and is totally neutered on any issue that deals with greek life this year. We can only imagine how this piece would have read were it written a year or two ago. Shed tears Will Tucker and Victor Luckerson, all the work you did to legitimize the CeeDub is being drowned in a tanktop and tempo shorts.

Anyway, we were gonna talk about this, but we’re gonna post these gifs instead:

Thanks to Harry Balzack for making or finding these.

Jesus, Our Emperor, Err President, Don’t Speak English Too Good

Look into the face of evil in this video. No, we’re not talking about the reporter who clearly made the mistake of getting plastic surgery in Alabama (dear: if you’re not within 200 miles of New York, LA or Miami, you’re doing it wrong), we’re talking about her Holiness the Emperor Sith Apprentice JBo.

Take particular note of how she says “I think football, and athletics in general, is the front porch blah blah blah” oh lord if that ain’t some syrupy southern good timey fucking nonsense I don’t know what is.

Sadly, you’ll have to click the link because we can’t embed with the old free wordpress.

Oh god, when she laughs, it’s like you can see the souls of children being sucked into the maw.

It’s good to know that Jbo is on the job, doing fucking puff pieces for local news instead of responding publicly and substantially to Paul Horwitz’s letter to the faculty senate.

Business as usual folks.

Someone cue the music, the Judy Bonner dance party is in full swing.

We Made Gawker and Huffpo, But Not the Ceedub?

Did you guys see the drinks for votes story on Gawker and now on the Huffington Post???

Wild that two national outlets covered that isn’t it?

Know what’s wilder?

It wasn’t in the CeeDub.

Why not?


Couldn’t be because…………

The new editor in chief is a Chi O?

Could it?

Remember when the new editor in chief said this: I do not believe my connection to The Crimson White impedes my sorority membership, and I do not believe my greek affiliation impedes my dedication to finding and exposing the truth.


Oooooooooh Shit, It’s On

We were gonna post this thing earlier, but sometimes even we lose our nerve. But, the Crimson White has the full email from Law Professor Paul Horwitz to the faculty senate and hooooooooboy, is it a humdinger.

Here are snippets for the lazy:

1) At least ten students of this university fraudulently registering to vote by giving an address at which they do not live. 2) The massive presence of signs for particular candidates on sorority and/or fraternity lawns on election day, in violation of intrafraternity and university rules. I am told that several students complained to the appropriate authorities about these blatant violations and were basically told to go away. 3) The likelihood–the certainty, really–of other fraudulent registrations and votes by students of this university. 4) The use of what appear to be widespread promises to trade drinks for votes, which may constitute criminal conduct under state law. And that, I’m afraid, is probably only the start.

Both the Greek and Machine questions have of course come up many times before. But they have not been addressed with clarity, tenacity, and a willingness not to stop until the issue is fully and completely aired in the open and addressed forcefully. A smoke-free campus is a fine thing, no doubt. But so is bringing our university into the present in all kinds of other ways. In important ways, our university is corrupt. It seems to me that it is the duty of the Faculty Senate to arrest this corruption. Dealing with these issues is in my view an obligation, and one that we should take on–not just this year, but until we are done–as a signature issue of the Faculty Senate. I am asking you, Steve, and my other Senate colleagues, to make sure this happens.

I would add in that light that I am a little disturbed on two counts. The first has to do with the credibility of the university leadership. Both President Bonner and Chancellor Witt made sizeable donations to at least one of the Machine-backed candidates. We all remember last year’s events surrounding former President Bonner; I am still unconvinced that I have yet heard an honest explanation of those events, or that Professor Bailey’s sudden partial departure had nothing to do with his criticisms of some members of the Greek system. This too adds to the administration’s credibility gap. Many will also recall then-President Witt’s reply to a question about the horrendous lack of racial integration in our Greek system–fifty years after the official integration of the university–in which he said, “As independent social organizations, it is appropriate that all our sororities and fraternities–traditionally African-American, traditionally white and multicultural–determine their [own] membership.” This was, of course, a wholly inadequate answer.

An even greater cause to be disturbed is the lack of will and resolve on the part of the university administration when it comes to issues involving, inter alia, the Machine. These issues arise from time to time, are not firmly addressed, and continue to haunt us on a regular basis–as yesterday’s law violations demonstrate. It is our job as the Faculty Senate not to rest until the university leadership, including President Bonner, Chancellor Witt, and the board of trustees, have shown a full measure of a quality they have seemed too often to lack: courage.

So, you ready to take your university back faculty?


Oh man, have you been watching the abortion girl who doesn’t understand it’s not 1952‘s twitter? It’s been sort of amazing. At first when this whole thing happened, we thought “oh man, we should all just stop, we’re giving this wackadoo attention and she’s loving it because as a white girl christian she honestly thinks she’s oppressed.” But now she’s challenging everyone to debates at the Ferg! It’s fucking amazing.

Thus, we are throwing down the gauntlet. We want to debate. In person.

We have some terms, though:

1. We will debate via skype.
1a. our video feed must be projected at a height no less than 10 feet wide by 8 feet high.
1b. get at the SGA maybe you can score the Morgan or Ferg auditorium
1c. we will wear a darth vader mask
1d. and a tuxedo t-shirt
1e. we will broadcast from a bar with wifi because we are godless heathens and want to be around our own kind

2. there will be a karaoke portion to the debate.
2a. one of our gay friends will pinch hit this section for us because it will humanize the issue

3. the winner will be decided by crowd reaction.
3a. when you lose, you have to make out with a lady
3b. this is provided we can find a lady who likes ladies who will make out with a homophobe
3c. this has to be a real make out
3d. not a “I’ve had four beers and I need attention” make out
3e. we’re talking open mouths and real passion here

What say you white christian middle classed oppressed person??? Up for a real debate???

Drinks For Votes

In case you had any doubt:

Sorority offered free drinks to members to vote in Tuscaloosa City Board of Education race

Sigh. From the email:

“They would really appreciate/need your vote to win this election. It’s going to be really tight, and it is SO IMPORTANT that they get the Greek Vote. I told both of them that I would do my best to make sure that I got every [member] that was registered to the polls. There is a big incentive for you going as well!!”

We wanna froth and rage about this, but it’s legitimately depressing.

Goddamn, Y’all Are Killin It

Even though I think giving the Bama Students For Life girl was a total move (c’mon CeeDub, you’re better than that) the comments on her same sex marriage “column” make me want to hug everyone in Ttown. Highlights for the lazy:

L.C.15 • 5 minutes ago
I don’t know how her column is going to appear biweekly considering she obviously has nothing to write about soooo she decided to go for a topic she knew would get her attention (even though it’s overwhelmingly negative). Congrats.

Plainsman in T-town
Claire-bashing aside, the arguments supporting the central thesis of the article are completely unsubstantiated, not to mention hurtful and alienating. The thought that homosexual marriages are not equal to their heterosexual counterparts simply because of an inability to procreate is bigotry, no matter what pretenses the author may have in writing this article

This. So much this.

Jessica Hauger • an hour ago −
Thank you for ultimately perpetuating the stereotype that all southerners are ignorant, right-wing Bible thumpers and that The University of Alabama is a breeding ground for these kinds of people. If we want to be known as a worldly and competitive university, we shouldn’t be producing articles like these. I think I am more disappointed with the person who allowed this to be published than in the person who wrote it. Seriously?

Robyn • 7 hours ago
Perhaps the reason you are incapable of having a civil conversation is because you start out your conversation with absurd and hurtful declarations. If someone walked up to you and said, “I’m sorry, but you’re never going to be capable of raising a family. You’re simply unfit to do so,” I highly doubt the conversation would continue in a civil fashion. If you want to have a real conversation, facts and data better be a bigger part of it than hyperbole like and name-calling like implying polygamy is equal to loving same-sex unions and referring to the “hysterical left.”

And on. Goddamn, you done good Tuscaloosa.


Woah shit, did you read the Franklin Stove blog at (this will never make sense to us) today?

You should. Whoever is writing that thing, has a crazy post about Lee Garrison:

According to The Legal Schnauzer’s “Here Is How A Pair of Politicos From Tuscaloosa Have Ties To Gambino and Genovese Crime Families,” there’s a connection between Lee and Jessica Garrison and organized crime.

We’re just gonna back away from this and assure our Italian friends out there that we know there’s no such thing as the mafia, and um, yeah, well. Here’s to election season.

We’ve Found a Witch

May we burn her?

Is apparently the theme for Claire I Have Cry Face Because I think Abortion is Murder at the CeeDub. You guys gave her a column? You did this for laughs right?

Anyway, she has a very stupid column about gay marriage today. I don’t have time to get into why it’s so stupid because I have a very busy day, but it speaks for itself.

Dear god.