Monthly Archives: August 2012

Support Druid City Brewing

Hey y’all, Druid City Brewing is looking to go all in (god i hate that phrase) and they need some $$ to make it happen. Want to be part of an awesome local business run by local doods? Drop them some cash at their indiegogo.

You’ll get some cool schwag out of the deal and know that you helped start an awesome local business.

Give them your money.

In other news, there’s been a horrific coffee/laptop incident. Regularly scheduled programming should resume soon, hopefully. Ugh.

Here is a picture of Bo Hicks wearing a Bo Hicks shirt and offering you come cookies:

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Beasts of the Southern Wild Tonight

If you’ve got a friend who wears tight pants, they’ve probably already told you about “Beasts of the Southern Wild.”

Well it’s playing tonight and for $6 you can get your hipster punchcard punched at the Bama Theatre. This one’s supposed to be a tear jerker, so bring you kaffiyeh. Ok, I don’t even know why I went all hipster on this post, my jeans fit too. Maybe I’m just hurting inside from all the secret scorn from the bangs-ed masses here. Maybe I too want to wear Sperrys. Maybe I too want to pretend to think dubstep is edgy and interesting. Maybe I too want to take drugs and go to a night at a bar called a “rave.” Maybe I too want to learn how to do a dance that will also come in handy should I need to churn butter some day. Maybe I secretly yearn for a lifted Jeep Grand Cherokee and a Salt Life bumper sticker. Maybe what I really want is to go to a baptist church and punch my friend in the arm and call him a homo, but you know I’m not really homophobic, I liked a Lady Gaga song in high school.

Wow, this one really went off the rails. Go see the movie, it’s supposed to be fantastic.

First World Problems, Yo

UA students are shocked, shocked about the number of seats for this Michigan game.

Never before have so many upper-middle class white kids been hoodwinked in such a dastardly manner.

I’m having a hard time reacting to this story in any other way than: Bwaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah, you mad.

WTF is up with the athletic department encouraging these dummies to skip class so they can get tickets?

MotherofuckingChristShitFuckRage

Um, hello, Crimson White. Hi. This is the Tusk. Could you do us a favor? Could you make sure your stories have the proper historical context when necessary? Just a little bit would be nice? Maybe a sentence or two? We’re talking about this story about Pinterest and Etsy.

Ya see, the main conceit of this piece is that Pinterest and Etsy are at the forefront of a trend of “vintage” and “thrifted.” Well, we’d just like you to know there were some other places to get this sort of stuff before these sites. IT’S CALLED FUCKING EBAY AND A GODDAMN THRIFT STORE AND A FUCKING FLEA MARKET. ARRGHGHGH, HULK SMASH.

This isn’t a new trend. At all. It’s not even a resurgent trend. What this piece should be about is “omg, you guyz I drove my beamer to Deja Vu and I bought something that some other person used to own, JUST LIKE A POOR PERSON!”

Sorry, we’re trying real hard to control our rage over here. It’s a new thing for us. We love you. Also Deja Vu? That’s the only thrift store you name dropped in this story? Sorry, it’s barely a thrift. It’s a consignment that marks up garbage polos and bad khakis.

If you want a real thrift experience in Tuscaloosa check out Grace Aberdeen or Prose and Palaver.

These are actual vintage stores that are curated by folks with good taste and they sell things that are actually fucking vintage. I mean I’m sure three-year old tempo shorts and those awful cork wedges you bought last season are vintage somewhere but omfg they’re not and seriously, I know the 90’s for you were mostly about Pokemans, but you had to realize that the whole thrifted thing was a thing then, right? Go watch “Reality Bites” again. Srsly.

This message brought to you by our incapacitating hatred of all things Pinterest.

Crimson White Giving Al.com a Run for its Money

The Crimson White has to be feeding the trolls with this letter to the editor about a recent shooting at the Family Research Council. For the unaware, the FRC is a branch of the ever lovely Focus on the family. The author of this letter wrote this in the unreadable opening paragraph:

The left’s criticism of the FRC represents the classic liberal move of preaching tolerance, except when it comes to groups whose politics they don’t like.

Goddamn the left, they’re such hypocrites. How could they ever criticize a group that said such awesome things like this:

In February 2010 the Family Research Council’s Senior Researcher for Policy Studies, Peter Sprigg, stated on NBC’s Hardball that gay behavior should be outlawed and that “criminal sanctions against homosexual behavior” should be enforced.[28] In May that same year, Sprigg publicly suggested that repealing Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy would encourage molestation of heterosexual service members.”

or this

Perkins repeated the FRC’s association of gay men with pedophilia, saying that “If you look at the American College of Pediatricians, they say the research is overwhelming that homosexuality poses a danger to children.”

WHY AREN’T YOU TOLERANT OF THE FRC TREATING GAYS LIKE ANIMALS LEFT?!?!?!? Won’t someone think of all the molested soldiers and the children?

Listen, calling someone an asshole who is an asshole because their worldview is stuck in the dark ages is not impinging on someone’s right to free speech…it’s just right. No one is telling any of these assholes they can’t talk like assholes, but I’ll be damned if I’m gonna live in a country where someone isn’t going to go out of their way to make sure that these assholes know they’re assholes.

I highly suggest the author of this piece take off her tempo shorts, put on some real people clothes and spend a night at Icon. Maybe you’ll make a gay friend. Maybe you’ll realize that gays aren’t deviants and they deserve to be treated like human beings instead of having assholes like the FRC telling them all they do is try to fuck children and their physical expressions of lust and love and like should be a criminal fucking offense. Christ.

And for the record, Obama was always in support of civil unions. Unfortunately in this country there are so many simpletons who still believe in sky daddy that you can’t come out right away. I hate to break it to you, but he’s probably also an atheist, gasp, just like so many other fucking politicians who went to the best universities in this country and believe in science but still have to pander to your stone age bullshit because we, as a country, are still embarrassingly in love with this nonsense.

Studies.

[ok, I thought this was an opinion piece when I first read it. Since I now realize this is a letter to the editor, I feel like you aholes were trying to work me up this morning. C’mon CeeDub it’s monday, yeesh.]

Oh the Horror

We knew they had to do something like this, we finally just stumbled upon it:

Thank god they gave a special thanks to Carly Ray Gypsum.

Wut?

This twitter person and the SGA are excited about corporate expansion and ownership on campus:

Andrew Sbrissa ‏@AndrewSbrissa
a new arrival to the Ferguson Center soon: the worlds largest Starbucks. good work by @uasga. ground floor across from the supestore

Apparently neither of them have been to New York or Seattle or any city really. Also, I’m just gonna go out on a limb here and guess that the Frat Model UN on campus has little to no, ok they have no, say in UA’s corporate contracting. But um, good job guys?

Extra points for you if you understand this image:

What in the Sweet Fuck, Crimson White?

I almost read a story about Nelly on the CeeDub’s site. Thank Christ for fucked up formatting.

Brace Yourself

Like death and taxes and other things that always happen, the CeeDub is knee deep in the yearly shitstorm of parking stories.

The CeeDub’s yearly news cycle tends to run thusly: Parking -> the football -> the Machine (tenderly depending on editorial greek population and editor ball size) -> racist incident (this one’s a wild card. we don’t know when it will happen, we just know that it will.) -> story about whatever issue the four militant liberals on campus are protesting that week -> Subway -> story about some asshole bro being a dick to the kids at Mallet -> endless coverage about bowl tickets and people not getting bowl tickets and people going to the bowl and blah blah blah blah -> Spring.

Anyway, here’s one of the first stories about parking.

TL:DR A metric ass ton of privileged children who have never walked anywhere still treat this place like a commuter college and can’t find anywhere to park their fancy cars.

People Are Mad

People are mad that a bakery in Northport got a cease and desist letter for using the Alabama script A.

I’m having a hard time working up the proper lather over this issue mostly because of this quote:

Cesar said her research indicated it would cost $750 to $3,000 to apply for a license to use the items UA claims as trademarks and that she does not sell enough themed products to make that worthwhile.

So let’s get this straight: this bakery is selling shit that people are only buying because they have Alabama trademarks on them, but she doesn’t want to pay to use those trademarks.

Then she said this:

“A large number of these cookies, we actually sell to the university and the athletic department. I assumed if we were doing anything wrong, they would not be ordering them.”

Just, wut?

I dunno, seems pretty cut and dry to me. Maybe she could use the “it’s art!” argument that dood who makes those wretched oil paintings with the medals embedded in them used. Worked for him.

If I had to guess, I would say that the university doesn’t own: houndstooth hats, elephants and any other number of things that could be made into cookies.

Move along people, nothing to see here.

Edit: Jesus, this comment:

Ronny Wyers · Northwest Ala Tech College
this is totally an act of UA to gain revenue. Pure and Simple a part of the socialist society we live in. Paul Bryant has nothing to do with the UA at this time and the Hounds tooth Hat is just a pattern for the remembrance of a great coach. UA has gone crazy.this is totally an act of UA to gain revenue. Pure and Simple a part of the socialist society we live in. Paul Bryant has nothing to do with the UA at this time and the Hounds tooth Hat is just a pattern for the remembrance of a great coach. UA has gone crazy.

Actually bro, this is pure capitalism. Just because you hate Obama and you hate something else doesn’t mean that the something else is socialism.