It’s pretty standard for the press to take a look at what a new regime has accomplished in its first 100 days. Since we’re not the press, we decided to take a look at what our new dancy overlord has accomplished in her first 40 days, or whatever, since we have no clue how long it’s actually been and we’re too lazy to look it up.
Day 1: Soon after Guy Bailey’s suspicious departure and Bonner’s hush hush confirmation (we actually like to imagine it was a lot like Jar Jar Binks being appointed to the Senate in that one shit Star Wars movie where that happened) Bonner pumps up the jams in her office. Sources close to Bonner say the jam was either “Black Betty” by Ram Jam, “We Are Never Ever Getting in a Relationship at a 12 Year Old Level Again and Hopefully This Song Makes Emotionally Stunted People Feel Better” by Taylor Swifts or “Moon River.”
Day 2: Bonner announces a bold new initiative: Celebrating Achievement. Sources close to Bonner have told us that she was cautioned that this was too much, too soon; but Judy Bonner does not listen to your bullshit, Judy Bonner dances where she wants, when she wants.
Day 3: Celebrating Achievement is unleashed on an unsuspecting UA population.
Day 4: Judy Bonner sends you a stupid fucking email about a stupid fucking song being played in that incomprehensible “landmark” that looks like it was slapped together by the retarded Toll Brother, Stevie, who couldn’t make it in the McMansion business.
Day 5: See day 4.
Day 6: See day 4. And on and on.
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP SENDING US THIS DUMB SHIT ABOUT CELEBRATING ACHIEVEMENT. WE ALREADY GET ONE MILLION STUPID FUCKING EMAILS FROM YOU PEOPLE AND NO ONE, NOT EVEN THE PERSON BEING EARBLASTED WITH THIS “HONOR”, GIVES A FLYING FUCK ABOUT IT.
I’m to annoyed and lazy to photoshop right now:
[insert Judy Bonner Dance Party photo]