Monthly Archives: March 2013

Some Damn Fine Journalism Today

On easter Sunday or, as I like to call it, “the day Cadbury Creme Eggs Die.” Rest in peace sweet yolky flavored center princes. Further confirming that Alabama is a backwater state full of nothing but bible thumping gumps (minus you dear, enlighted Tusk readers), Al.com ran a piece on elected officials FAVORITE BIBLE PASSAGES OMG. The comments are the usual cesspool of righteous indignation and “Obama has horns! I seen ’em.” that we’ve all come to expect from what is literally the WORST NEWS ORGANIZATION in the entire nation. The worst.

Tuscaloosa News, on the other hand, seems to be gunning for another Pulitzer with this hard hitting piece “Is homosexuality a sin? More people, including in Tuscaloosa, say no

ugh. Ugh, is all I can say. The comments here are more of what you’d expect: mouthbreathers saying it’s a goddamn sin and people pointing out that eating pork and shellfish is a similar sin and blah blah blah.

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This Is Why You Don’t Drunk Email

Did you hear about the email donnybrook between Eddie Maxwell and State Rep. Joe Mitchell? It’s wild. Maxwell is a gun nut who sent Mitchell an email tellin him o’er his dead body and outta his cold dead hands and blah blah blah about his guns and the shitty Constitution in the state. Then Maxwell replied at 11:59 on a Sunday, clearly allegedly (we assume) half (wholly?) pissed:

Subject: Re: Gun Control and our Constitutions

Hey man. You have used the word ‘except’ when I think you mean somethin’ else.

Hey man. Your folk never used all this sheit to protect my folk from your slave-holding, murdering, adulterous, baby-raping, incestuous, snaggle-toothed, backward-a**ed, inbreed, imported criminal-minded kin folk. You can keep sending me stuff like you have however because it helps me explain to my constituents why they should protect that 2nd amendment thing AFTER we finish stocking up on spare parts, munitions and the like.

Bring it. As one of my friends in the Alabama Senate suggested – “BRING IT!!!!”

JOSEPHm, a prepper (’70-’13)

Mobile County

Hey man, the thing is that Mitchell’s, what we can only assume, drunken diatribe isn’t really that off the point. But dood should have laid back on the Chivas (we’re just assuming he drinks Chivas because we like to assume everyone drinks Chivas) before he sent this email.

Maxwell responded as expected “I HAVE BLACK FRIENDS!!!!” Granted he called them “negroes” throughout, which, dood, is not the preferred nomenclature. African Americans, please.

The most curious email in all of this is a response from another Dem, Patricia Todd. She said:

All of us have suffered from the racism of the past and I thank you for your civic and thoughtful response.

I’m sorry what? How have white people suffered from this racism exactly? THIS LADY IS THE FIRST OPENLY GAY POLITICIAN IN ALABAMA AND SHE SUPPORTS GUN RIGHTS (she says that earlier in the email) AND THINKS WHITE PEOPLE WERE AFFECTED BY ALABAMA’S RACISM. WHAT THE FFFFFFFFFFFFFF

This Guy

Ugh, I don’t know why I bothered to check the comments on Al.com about Gay Marriage/The Supreme Court…but, I did.

There’s one dipshit saying particularly awful things, like:

Gay is wrong no matter what anyone says. The problem is all these people supporting gays are either gay or have a family member that is gay. This is there way to justify their problems. They know they have went wrong somehow or someway with the GAY child they raised and now they support them being gay and they are trying to make America think it is great to be gay. No it is not great to be gay. It is shameful and all of them should be disgusted with themselves just as I am disgusted with them.

and

I don’t worry about gay people I just don’t want them around. And YES I do hate how they act. They are disgusting. Face it your comments only show me you are one of these people I can’t stand. I am not stereotyping… LIMP Wrist D***SUC**RS

This guy, well, he ain’t too bright for obvious reasons. He also left his Facebook link in his profile.

Ladies and gents, I give you: Chris Moore of Columbia, South Carolina.

Seriously, fuck this guy.

God I love Al.com

and the way they seem to have no clue about this here internet thingamajiggy. They’ve got the whole trolling their conservative “readers” thing figured out, but they seem to have absolutely no clue about how the rest of the thing works. See, they’re having a “live chat”!!!!!!!!! With a reporter!!!!!!! In the comments!!!! Of a post about the live chat!!!!!!!!!

jesus, it’s like watching an AOL chatroom have sex with an about.com page while yahoo answers jerks it in the corner.

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Webster’s Defines Courage As

Seriously CeeDub? Is there anyone on campus who is unaware of the definition of vice? We are talking about a student population where 80% believe in angels and a 6,000 year old world and a guy with a spiky tail who likes to hang out in an eternal fire pit. They are aware of vice. Granted, there are probably a few dullards who don’t know the definition; but they’re unlikely to pick up a paper.

This article is great. We learn a lot of things, like: smoking is bad.

Then someone said this!

Wilcox said she thinks social media has caused students to forget how to interact with each other, and consuming alcohol often helps them loosen up in social situations.

Wut? Seriously? You really think twitter is the cause of college student drinking? What was it in the 90’s? The diskmen? All those kids in the 90’s with their diskmen and their Extreme and Duncan Sheik CD’s making them all isolated and awkward. In the 80’s was it the Walkman and Foreigner tapes and all that isolation making ’em forget how to interact with each other so drinking became the only solution??

Seriously.

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Here is a Column About Nothing

God I fucking love the CW lately. Seems like the past two years have started off kinda meh, then something lights a fire under their ass and they just get after it. They ran this column today in support of ole J-bo, and I’m quite certain they realized it said nothing.

The column could have simply read: I think j-bo is good. She did some things. I have zero specific examples of any of these things.

Dood failed big time by not mentioning J-bo’s one tangible contribution: Celebrating Achievement! Ding dong.

And the dance party rolls on.

Buy your friendly Ceedub writer or editor a beer if you see them. They deserve it.