Monthly Archives: December 2012

Jesus Christ

Reading is like reading the Onion, except none of it is satire. Today they ran a story about a lady seeing the face of jesus in a door. Seriously, they did this. Before I continue, I would like to point out that the author of the article, Greg Garrison, seems to realize how ridiculous this whole thing is. See his comment here:

Looks like Greg Garrison to me!
never mind likes this.
6 Hours Ago · Reply

Greg Garrison |
Are you saying I look like Squidward?

So the author seems to acknowledge here that this thing looks more like squidward than old haysoos. Here is the deified door in all its glory:

See, looks exactly like jesus. Here are some other jesuses I’ve found in the wild.

Jesus jesus jesus. See? Look at the chairy visage of the king of kings. Tis the season, you know.

What I find most batshit crazy about all of this is that the CEO of the hospital actually gave this some credence:

Dr. Sandral Hullett, chief executive officer at Cooper Green, came to look at the door. “I take it as a sign,” Hullett said. “It might be telling us we’re going to be all right

This woman has an MD and she thinks there is a picture of jesus in some knots of wood. God help us all.


Good Fucking Job Tuscaloosa

The ice rink seems to be a roaring success. I am so stoked about this. It’s community engagement, it’s using a once decrepit (and awesome by the by) piece of public property – and hopefully making other people realize how awesome that building is and generating interest in the, curiously chosen, transportation museum that occupies it now. It’s just all awesome. Good job Tuscaloosa. Keep it up.

Alabammer Done Good at Book Learnin

Oh look, ran a piece about education in the state.

Turns out that Bama ain’t all that bad at rithmatic:

Alabama students’ math skills are about equal to those of students in the Ukraine, Norway, Romania and the United Arab Emirates

and holee shit, we done beat some of the foreigny types:

Doing worse than Alabama were 19 countries, including: Lebanon, Malaysia, Thailand, Chile, Iran, Saudi Arabia and Morocco.

The only problem is that this study comprised 1,000 schools. If we assume that most 8th graders, who this study tested, are grouped in the old high school demographic, that means 4% of students were surveyed, give or take (there are 24,651 secondary schools nationwide according to national center for education statistics).

I’m no mathematician and I’m not saying this study is statistically insignificant, but 4% of the available population hardly seems like a decent benchmark. The real problem is that this article fails to make mention of the fact that Alabama is still bottom of the barrel in math and science in the US. Here, here’s a map:

As you can plainly see, math and science, much like obesity and accidental death by groin shot injury, is yet another case of “thank god for Mississippi”. The graphic doesn’t have numbers and I’m too lazy to check; but if I had to guess, I’d say we’re ranked in our usual pole position slot of 49.

So yay Alabama, you might be smarter at math than some other countries but who knows because this study seems really light on real data, yay!



Now you can follow the action, or at least figure out where everybody is, on twitter!

Friday 12/14

SantaCon begins at 8pm at the Downtown Pub. Follow the progress @SantaConBama.

More deets from wellthatscool

It’s time for all of us to don a Santa Claus or other suitable holiday outfit and take to the streets of the Druid City for the annual SantaCon celebration! For those who do not know, SantaCon is a Christmas and holiday themed bar crawl designed to spread cheer and drunk revelry through various establishments in Tuscaloosa.

SantaCon 2012 will take place on Friday, December 14th. The meeting place and first stop will be The Downtown Pub at 8:00 P.M. We will progress through the downtown area bars and make Egan’s, which will be holding their annual Christmas party, the last stop of the night.

All people participating need to remember this big rule:


We can’t stress that enough. This is a SantaCon, after all, so you need to go out to somewhere like Target, the local drug store, or wherever else and find you a cheap Santa Claus costume.

Drobert and the Half Truths Tonight Yo!

Doods, get stoked. Get to the Green Bar. It’s probably going to rule. You know you should be excited because you don’t have to see another show from that guy who is in a terrible band who a little bird told me got kicked out of a local watering hole last night for shoving someone off a stool. I’m kinda glad I know this guy is a dick now because we can all finally talk about how much his new band sucks. Seriously, they’re terrible.

Go see Derobert and the Half Truths though!

edit: updated to reflect our mistake about this guy being in the dexateens. our bad.

Druid City Brewing Tonight!

Go get some:

Tell your friends, tell you friends friends, share post!!Tonight is the night Druid City Pale will go on tap!! The Pale will be available today at Egans, Wilhagans, The Alcove and the Downtown Pub as soon as there is room. There has been a change in the special launch beers so here is a recap. We will be attending each of these with some DCBC swag to share and to talk beer.

Tonight 6pm “The” Egans Bar The “Bourbon Vanilla Imperial Porter” this puppy’s name says it all. It’s like drinking a black velvet painting of Elvis. It’s been a favorite around the brewery since before there was a brewery .

Tomorrow 6pm Wilhagan’s Tuscaloosa Our “River Side Sasion”. It’s a variation on our “Sundress Sasion” but with New Zealand grown Pacific Gem hops that add aroma of ripe melon with earthy and floral tones.

Friday 6pm Alcove International Tavern “Snow’s Bend Harvest Ale”. An Ale brewed with Snow’s Bend butternut squash. Think a pumpkin ale but minus the over the top nutmeg and cinnamon finished with a smooth brown sugar and caramel note.

Sunday at the Downtown pub we are working with Amy, Bob and Bear to set up something with a variation of the Sasion with a different yeast. Changing the yeast can make it a totally different beer. This batch has a musty fruitiness that plays so well. As soon as we have it confirmed we will let you know here.

Bammer Christmas: Etsy Edition

It might surprise both of you, dear regular readers, to know that I love the shit out of Christmas. Seriously, it’s the best. So, in the spirit of all things Santa Claus-y and Rudolph times and what have you, I’m gonna post some shit that is somehow locally related in some way that you should buy for your boo or your slampiece (god frat boys are gross) or your lover or your mom. Whatevers. This is the Etsy edition! Onward!

This vintage bama shirt rules and would be a perfect gift for that husky roll tide fan in your life:

I’m generally not into knick knacks and brick a brack, but this old Alabamer license plate is cool and it’s only eight bucks. Stocking stuffer yo!

I don’t know what Shovels and Rope is, but this print kinda rules and it’s cheap!

Nick Saban letterpress!

Ok, I can’t look at anymore “Keep Calm and Roll Tide” shitty prints. More Chrimmas stuff to come wooooooooooooo.

Which Wich OMG!

I am so excited. You guys we are getting a new sandwich place to buy sandwiches. This new restaurant will offer down home cooking with an authentic feel and it is locally owned by a guy who owns a bunch of other chain restaurants! Which wich is wacky. They have peace signs on their web site. I know what you’re thinking “ugh, another chain restaurant.” But this chain restaurant is probably not the same! It has a really wacky story about how it started, see:

Frustrated by the lack of great sandwiches available in quick service restaurants and bored by burned-out sandwich brands, Jeff Sinelli, founder and former CEO of Genghis Grill, set his mind to creating a fresh, innovative concept featuring superior sandwiches served in an edgy, magnetic environment.

If that story of gee dee american startin up a new franchise stick-to-itiveness doesn’t warm your heart, I don’t kno what will (also, Genghis Grill LOL amirite?)

This new place that serves boring overpriced chain store food is in the “Boulevard Lofts” which is a funny name for some shitty new apartments since it doesn’t sit on a boulevard and those shitty apartments are distinctly not lofts.

Chrimmas Madness Local Shopping Bitches

It’s that time of year, time to buy shit. I like to buy shit and I like to buy local shit. So while everyone in Alabammy will be heading to the Target and the Wal Mart to buy shit made by 11 year old Thai boys, I know that you, dear reader of the Tusk, will be shopping locally. Here’s some shit from some of my favorite local place to buy shit for the people you need to get shit for for Christmas. Shit.

Southern Letterpress You can buy shit from Southern Letterpress on Etsy or you can go to their store. It’s on that main street in Northport across from that place with food. Check their facebook yo.

Egans! We’re not sure if Egans does gift cards or not, but they have stickers and buttons and t-shirts and if the person you’re buying shit for is local just buy them a beer and call it a day.

Grace Aberdean doesn’t have much shit on their web site but they usually have local art and mid-century furniture and vintage clothings and everything else you need to make your hipster out of town friend think that you don’t actually live in a swamp and we have cool store too yo.

Prose and Palaver is a legit vintage store not like that one goddamn consignment store that sells last seasons bullshit that all the frat kids wear and calls itself some kind of vintage store.

Druid City Brewing is brewing now and I think you can buy t-shirts somehow, or least you could. Get one for someone you love, they are super comfortable and have good design and yadda yadda. Also, buy their beer.

Get somebody and Alabama Get Up print from Yellow Hammer Creative. They have some other cool shit.

Edit 1: Left Hand Soap. Jesus people, how can you let me forget T-town’s baddest ass soap maker and cultural warrior. Buy some fucking soap assholes!

There’s the Hail Saban T-shirt for your BCS Championship needs.

What am I missing? What local shit is worth buying? Bah, merry fucking christmas.