Monthly Archives: February 2013

As long as drunk driving is still legal!

More thoughts on these incredibly dumb pot busts later, but we would just like to applaud the police for wasting oh so many taxpayer resources to bust a bunch of college kids for smoking weed. Well done, well done. Good luck getting any of these charges to stick on the rich kids, but you know let’s fuck the poor kids for having some weed. Meanwhile, drunk driving is totes still ok because of tradition…Or something. 

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Do the Harlem Sha……nope.

We were originally gonna post this without comment, but you’ve probably all seen it already. So let’s talk about it.

First, we want to establish: 1. that the first three harlem shake videos were fun. 2. this was tired four hours after it became a thing.

Having acknowledged that, what is the university’s deal? Are they seriously anti-fun? Oh no, a bunch of kids got together to make a stupid video on campus, shut that shit down! Isn’t the campus ours? Dont’ we have a right to get together in big groups and do embarrassing things on it? Would this have been ok with permits and taking place in the Free Speech Zone? Seriously UA pull the stick out of your ass and let the kids have some fun. Christ, it’s not like they were having a blackface kegger on campus. They were making a fucking stupid video for a tired meme. Even Big Al was there.

This is the Least Fun Judy Bonner Dance Party…Ever

We all knew it was going to be the same old song and dance once Guy Bailey and his gloriously manicured liberal beard were forced out for daring to fuck with the frats. We just didn’t know how much of the same old song it was going to be until old J-bo came into office; tromping in like the love child of darth vader and little orphan annie.

What I’m getting at is that we all knew J-bo was going to be a Witt lackey. We all knew she was going to kowtow to the frats and assorted other douches around campus. We all knew she was going to cram as many goddamn wind-swept banged mouthbreathers into this university – standards be damned – until we all end up eating each other like some kind of country fried steak version of Lord of the Flies.

Anyway, J-bo has really stepped in it now. She’s not only managed to appease frat bros, shit on the campus newspaper and tell ladies that their vagina parts aren’t important; she’s fucking made an effort to placate the dregs of society who hang out on /r/mensrights. Good job j-bo. Why don’t you google these fucking things before sending emails that are tantamount to “Our campus newspaper is dumb, never mind all that,” to these people. Ugh.

Anyway, it’ll be interesting to see how j-bo shimmies her way out of this one. She’s never been one for understanding “pr” or knowing how to “say things that aren’t dumb as shit.”

Today we play celebrating achievement in honor of Judy Bonner and her colossally stupid email.

Just imagine j-bo here. I’m too lazy to photoshop this shit.

No Smoking Ban Coming To Alabama, Smokes For Errrrbody!

Hey guys, did you hear that UA is considering a no smoking ban? That’s fucking awesome. Does this mean I can smoke in the library? Can I smoke in a chem lab around dangerous chemicals? One would think that a no smoking ban would be a blanket ban on no smoking, no? I mean if there’s a no smoking ban I should be able to smoke wherever I want because this is goddamn murica. Does this no smoking ban apply to other things that can be smoked? Did UA just legalize doing pot on campus? It sounds like they’ve legalized pot because a no smoking ban doesn’t clarify.

God I am so excited that this is going to be a free for all. Ban no smoking everywhere is what I say!

Screen Shot 2013-02-08 at 9.28.18 AM

Sigh, I Can’t Even Have the Right Feels

I know I’m supposed to read this story in Tuscaloosa News today and say “awwwww.” See, what happened was this lady had a cat, then the cat had kittens. One of the many, many tireless volunteers who work in the animal rescue community found out about this and got the kittens adopted out. This is where it gets weird, even though this lady already owned one cat, she sent all three cats – mom and two kittens – out for adoption because she couldn’t afford her apartment’s pet deposit. Fine.

Why she couldn’t keep her original cat is beyond me. But whatever. Anyway, the cat was adopted and then it came back to her! Aww, see, this is where we’re supposed to go “awwww.”

But I can’t, because all I can read in this story is “IF YOU WOULD HAVE SPENT $50 TO HAVE THE GODDAMN CAT SPAYED IN THE FIRST PLACE NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED.”

Fuuuuuuck people. Why are southerners so against controlling the pet population?

Here are a shit ton of links for low cost spay neuter programs in Alabama; though let’s get real, if you’re reading this blog, I’m probably probably preaching to the choir.

Spay Alabama Links

Ohhh, That’s What Happened

hooooooooo, boy. You see that CW article that got like the most comments ever? Right, something about all of that didn’t feel right. For one, there aren’t that many people who read the CW and there aren’t that many people who get fired up about anything on this campus…well, anything that doesn’t involve taking away their stupid greek traditions. The more I thought about it, the more I thought “something about this doesn’t seem right.” That’s really what I thought.

But then I remembered the one horrifying afternoon I spent reading a sub section of that haven of misguided white male privilege: the reddit.

Yep, I remembered that /r/mensrights was a thing. I popped that link into ma web browser and wouldn’t you know what was on the front page:

Add your comment to site where college administrator said: “There’s really no false accusations. If someone feels they didn’t give consent, then they didn’t give consent.”

This doesn’t make any of this any better. It just makes it a little easier that these assholes don’t go to this school.

Also, misandry is a fucking word? Wild.

If a Flickr Account From Six Years Ago Came to Life as a CampusMovieFest Movie

it would be this movie:

white people: they love climbing things.
campus movie fest: movies about nothing since ’02 or whatever.
this would have some pretty shots if this person had a tripod or stopped moving the goddamn camera for 7 seconds.

Hey Y’all, Line Up For a Racial Tour! A Racial Tour!

This just seems like a subtle reminder that no one in the south views the civil rights movement as part of our collective history. it’s part of “their” history. c’mon ceedub, get your shit together.

Screen Shot 2013-02-05 at 10.10.55 AM

I’m putting this here because this whole thing strikes me as racialist – and because i wanted to watch it.

Bless Her Heart

CW columnist Beth Lindly is in for a rough life y’all. See, she just discovered that the Theatre industry in Tuscaloosa is rife with politics and nepotism! The horror. I shudder to think what will happen to Beth when she gets involved in something, anything, that involves making money. I think her head might explode.

Also, she said this:

No one can call Tuscaloosa citizens “uncultured.”

Yes, yes they can Beth, you poor, sheltered little thing.