The New Crimson White Regime

Looks like it’s gonna be a fun one. They’re conservative! They love Lil JoBo! They also seem fucking clueless when it comes to a basic understanding of the guiding principles of the Republican Party.

Here are some of the best parts of a column they ran endorsing Lil JoBo!

There is a dire need on this campus for strengthening the ties of higher education with government and assisting students with tuition costs. And in spite of all the uncertainty and potential nepotism surrounding the position, we are in support of Bonner’s selection. When we look at his background, it is clear he is a perfect fit for the position.

If he will be lobbying to the state, we should see a decrease in tuition based off an increase in state funding.

Lawl. This guy is a dyed in the wool Alabama Republican, which means two things: he is devastatingly mediocre and knows for his Jesus tells him so that it is not the government’s job to help you with tuition. Also, these dimwits think tuition is going to go down? As a result of Lil JoBo’s work? Aahahahaahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaha. Aahahahahahhahahahha. Aahahahahhahahahahahahha. Dears: tuition is going nowhere but up, regardless of what Lil JoBo does over his tenure to fatten his and the university’s coffers.

But maybe they found something in Lil JoBo’s voting record to support this completely baseless opinion that “he’s popular in Mobile” = “he’s going to help us!”

Nope. I checked, there is nothing there to indicate in any way shape or form that this job is anything other than a small step above a sinecure (fuck you, word of the day bitches.)

Welcome new Crimson White conservative overlords.

nivea and lil wayne baby pictures

Tuscaloosa Monorail?

Why din’t anyone tell us about this?

We’re all for people trying to do weird shit in Ttown, so go watch this and subscribe to it and all that booshit. Bonus: the band on this episode features that rarest of things in a Tuscaloosa band, a lead singer who can actually sing (even if he sounds like the bastard child of G Love and the guy from Band of Horses. Seriously right? Isn’t it weird? I want a cold beverage at my fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunerallllllllllll.)

Y’all Should Read This

Article. Right Here. Click the link.

Granted, it could have: been a little shorter, not defined nepotism, not focused so much on the nepotism angle as opposed to the “Judy Bonner is fucking evil” angle. Because that’s what this story’s all about if y’all really start to think about it. Sure, JBo got Lil JoBo a job that didn’t exist. She also ousted Guy Bailey and tore down a historic fucking house people. She will drive this university into the ground people, mark my words. Mark them!

But, we’ll have a record number of students and Celebrating Achievement will be played to celebrate the evil Triumvirate of JBo, Lil Jobo and Emperor Witt…laughing all the way to the bank folks.

The Judy Bonner Dance Party Just Got Incestual Y’all

JBo’s little brother just became Vice Chancellor to Senator Palp, errrr, Chancelor Witt.

Bonner, who shall henceforth be known as Lil JoBo, is resigning from Congress to take the newly created position. Bonner’s career in Washington is unimpressive to say the least. Wikipedia tells me that he is a conservative, voted as such and didn’t do a goddamn thing to distinguish himself. Here are the highlights:

 On June 29, 2005, he voted for a $25 million increase in funding for anti-marijuana print and television ads. (lol, dummy)

On July 13, 2006, he was one of thirty-three votes against renewal of the Voting Rights Act.  (of course he was)

In March 2013, Mother Jones reported that in August 2012 Bonner and his wife took a $16,214.66 trip to a private 66,000-acre ranch in Kenya, paid for entirely by the International Conservation Caucus Foundation. The ranch is owned by members of the Wildenstein family and was the filming location of the 1985 film Out of Africa.^[25] Bonner claimed that the trip was for the purposes of researching a link between illegal wildlife poaching and Al-Qaeda.  (fucking Al Qaeda and their poaching efforts. WE HAVE TO STOP THE TERRORISTS Y’ALL!!!!)

We can only imagine that Lil J0BO will bring the same rousing tradition of mediocrity to UA. Just think of all the historic buildings that the Bonner Wonder Twins can tear down together!!!! Fuck the Gorgas House y’all, we need a new Chic Fil A on Campus, JB0 Lil JoBo Wonder Twins go!

Of Course This Is On the Front Page of Al.com

Summer posting, it is sporadic at best.

Dick Trickle shot himself!

There are one million Leno-style jokes here. Something about loads. Something about brains trickling. It’s all too much, I can’t deal.

 

I Gave You Poems

Sometimes it feels like my dad is writing all the straight missed connections at Tuscaloosa’s Craigslist. This is either because of the lack of periods or commas or any punctuation in really long sentences or because my dad likes to pluralize things that aren’t pluralized:

You work at Barnes & Nobles – m4w (Tuscaloosa/Mid-town)

We have talked more than once. I find you so attractive and interesting yet all my approaches seem to fail. I gave you my number and even gave you some of my poems to read and still not a word. You said that you did not have a boyfriend. Are you a lesbian or is it that I just simply do not appeal to you? Is it my age since I am so much older than you? Maybe one day you will think of me and call. I am waiting to hear from you……..

I would give a kidney to read these poems. A kidney folks!