Monthly Archives: June 2012

We’ve Got Chinese Food Again

By now some food nerd on your facebook has probably already posted about Mr. Chen’s Authentic Food Place and Grocery Store (that might not be its actual name.) This place is near Oz Music. Go eat some food an buy a record or something.

Mr. Chen’s is a restaurant/grocery store combo. I don’t really know what else to say, I mean, it’s Chinese food. It’s like pizza, you know which places suck but everything else falls distinctly in the “serves pizza” category.

This place doesn’t suck, so go there if you want Chinese and wanna pick up some pocky sticks and a whole squid. They aren’t serving Chinese food the way it was meant to be served – in the privacy of your own home, on a hungover Sunday and eaten in your underoos – yet, but maybe in the future? I certainly hope so. Wooooo Chinese food.

(this came up when i google imaged “white boy special chinese food.” it seemed appropriate.)

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Druid City Brewing

Woooo. Get stoked. Al.com has a Q&A thing with the guys behind Druid City Brewing.

I ran into the hardest working man in Tuscaloosa last night at Egans. Bo said we should all be good and drunk on this stuff come fall. You’ll be able to get these beers at Egans, the Alcove, somewhere else (I was drunk) and you’ll be able to get growlers plastic jugs of it at Corks and Tops.

So excited about this, though I really wish they were coming out of the gate with a session beer/hoppy pilsnery type thing (I am a big baby when it comes to craft beer, three is about my max in a night) but I will drink the shit out of their IPA.

Look at their logo! Buy their beer when it comes out!

This Ain’t Gonna Do Anything Good

Yeesh. Thanks beoliu.

Grr, I can’t embed because deadspin apparently downloaded it from youtube, uploaded it and slapped their watermark on it and you can’t embed their player. Whatever. Go to the link, it’s worth it. Click it here. Go go go go go.

NM, found it!

So Many Tears Tomorrow at the Amphitheater

My corduroys are pressed and ready to go.

 

You’re all a bunch of babies

Since people on the twitter seem to think we’re all frowny faces and upside down rainbows these days, consider this post  as a little sunshine blown up your ass.

Also, Stuart A the Guy from all those bands backed by the drummer/blowhard doesn’t seem to get that I was making fun of the Tuscaloosa News’ Poll, not Tuscaloosa. You see, there’s a huge difference between genuinely talking about good stuff in this town and asking a bunch of people who probably only eat at Olive Garden to name their favorite restaurant. See the difference? Christ. Now, as promised here is the obligatory sunshine up the ass wherein I talk about good things:

Restaurants: Well, Carmelo has seemed to have gotten its shit together service-wise as of late making it enjoyable again. Tacos from the carniceria on 15th, as previously mentioned, are bomb. I dunno, read Bgrass’ reviews at Druid City Eats for other stuff.

Pizza: c’mon, Lil Italy is the only answer. Independently owned, real northeast slices. I won’t get into their hit or miss tendencies here because this post is about sunshine.

Coffee: I can’t even front, there is no good coffee in this town. Make it at home.

Things to get excited about: The jam opening next to 5 might be a bakery and might have coffee? I still don’t know what’s going on there. Bagels would be appreciated though.

Shopping: Grace Aberdeen, Prose and Palaver. Keep these stores alive. They are both awesome.

There? Fucking happy now? Woo. Life.

I don’t know what’s sadder about this

That the guy who wrote this post on AL.com about Alabama’s fried chicken getting the shaft seems to actually give a shit about fried chicken? Or, that he’s clearly trying to bait comments “what are some of the best fried chicken joints?” and no one cares.

People will argue about anything on AL.com and this poor sap can’t get a single comment.

 

Best of Tuscaloosa

Best of lists in areas where small business and independent eateries exist are a contentious notion, at best. They often spark argument between pals and lead to one calling another an ill-informed asshole. But they may lead to someone trying a new restaurant or taqueria or phu joint. I don’t imagine the Tuscaloosanews’ best of list producing the same debate. It will be a glorious shit show wherein chains will undoubtedly win categories such as “best italian” and “best pizza.”

We’re going to save you some time and give you the straight poop. Here are the only answers you need to the Tuscaloosanews’ best of poll.

1. Best Sushi – That place near the Indian buffet isn’t awful, but considering that any sushi joint in town makes 90% of its money on California rolls, well, there’s not much reason to set the bar above “white boy from west alabama palate.”

2. Best Asian Food – ha! Seriously. ha!

3. Best Margarita – people actually drink these fucking things? El Rincon is going to win this one, moving on.

4. Best Barbecue (not just ribs!) – I don’t know and frankly I really don’t care.

5. Best Ribs – now this just seems redundant.

6. Best Sauce – sriracha. This seems like an odd one.

7. Best Wings – gross.

8. Best Tea – fuck you and your fancy tea Tuscaloosa News.

9. Best Pizza – why is this even a question? why is this an option? There’s only one place in town that serves fucking pizza. There’s only one place that doesn’t serve pizza food product. Seriously. Fuck.

10. Best Fried Green Tomato – Kathy Bates.

11. Best meat-and-three – no sir.

12. Best Steak – Steak/Tuscaloosa does not compute.

13. Best frozen treat – what the fuck does this mean? Is there a cabal of secret ice cream men patrolling 15th street that I am unaware of? help.

14. Best Dessert – TCBY. You can pour it yourself and put your own toppings on it.

15. Best Mexican food – Sigh, it was that taqueria on 15th. But, now it’s the carniciera on 15th (near the Indian place) you are welcome assholes. El Rincon is not Mexican food!

16. Best Seafood – no, no, we won’t be having any of this.

17. Best Wine List – I just spit coffee on my monitor. Literally.

18. Best Sandwich – Not enough Italians in this town for this question to be even remotely relevant.

19. Best Burger – Shame eating a Mugshots burger is one of my greatest pleasures. It’s still a shitty burger.

20. Best Coffee –

21. Best Cocktail – a bud heavy with my bros.

22. Best Fine Dining – tears.

23. Best Biscuits – I don’t fucking know. Do you think they poll people in areas with lots of good restaurants asking who has the best fucking dinner rolls?!?! They don’t. Christ.

24. Best Beer Selection – ahahah. “Oh dood, they have delerium tremens, it’s high gravity.” Fuck you and your high gravity bullshit. No one anywhere with a decent beer scene calls this shit “high gravity” sure “craft beer” is just a douchey, but at least it makes sense.

25. Best Outdoor Seating – For the one week a year it’s not too hot or raining.

26. Best Tattoo Parlor – any one that is not here.

27. Best Female Athlete – a gymnast

28. Best Male Athlete – fucking hell, how long is this quiz?

29. Favorite Coach – Craig T. Nelson motherfucker.

30. Best Tuscaloosa Radio Personality – oh, all the douchelords at 94.1. I love them.

31. Best Tuscaloosa TV Personality – this is a joke question, right?

32. Best Local Musician or Band – …

33. Best Local Artist – the dbag who’s been tagging northport lately. He is awesome. So good. Seriously.

34. Best former Alabama Athlete – Bo Jackson!

35. Best Local Celebrity – The guy who poisoned the trees? or our racist governor? or our mayor who wants to censor things?

36. Best Hidden Gem – no sir.

37. Best Must-see Spot for Visitors – Security at the Bham airport? (think about it)

38. Best Festival or Community Event – these are a thing?

39. Favorite SEC Opponent – This seems like a contradiction of sorts.

40. Favorite Spring Sport – this is getting boring.

41. Best Church Choir – what kind of person fills out this whole thing?

42. Best Music Venue – Over 40 questions?

43. Best Bar for Students – What are they thinking?

44. Man, fuck this shit. There are like 20 more questions. Not gonna happen.

Fucking Ghost Town

The news today that is.

I’m gonna fill out the Tuscaloosanews’ best of survey and post the results here later. That should be stimulating, can’t miss, exciting, whatever web content.

Today in Dumb Things Coming to Tuscaloosa

a “major” conhole tournament is coming to Tuscaloosa. Yep, that game bros play on their lawns while their unfixed lab plods around with its testicles flapping in the breeze is coming. A major tournament!

The article keeps referring to this game as a sport. It’s cute when a drinking game is called a sport, but this is not a goddamn sport. If this is a sport so is drinking 14 Bud Heavies and sharting yourself the next morning. Trust me, I’ve done that more than I’ve played cornhole and every time I swear I’ve heard the pulsing tones and inspiration of Kenny Loggins “Danger Zone” as I waddled to the toilet. If cornhole is a sport, so is surviving a $50+ bar tab at Egans. I once had a $51 tab and spent the next sharting myself and only seeing the color green in my left eye.

So, if you’re into things that are “outside the box”, dumb things like flash mobs and anything sponsored by Redbull, this is probably right up your alley. Read the article for details because I’m sure as shit not posting the deets here.

DubStep Ferg

Oh my. I came across the video that’s being played for kids coming to the bamabound (check out the hashtag #UA16 on the twitter if you want to be slightly horrified by the by.) It’s posted below if you want to watch, but be forewarned: it is 5:19 of dubstep Ferg montage. At least I think it’s dubstep. I’m not really sure what dubstep is. Some people think this guy plays the dubstep?

Who knows. Anyway this video is about 4:00 too long, and it’s filled with soooooo many white guys playing acoustic guitars, so many. They even found a black guy playing an acoustic guitar! SMH.

<p><a href=”http://vimeo.com/42836310″>Ferguson Center | Orientation + WOW</a> from <a href=”http://vimeo.com/mppvideography”>MP Productions</a> on <a href=”http://vimeo.com”>Vimeo</a&gt;.</p>