Oh, They’ll Probably Drop the Charges Now

Matt Pitt is our favorite Alabama shitshow ever. Seriously, ever. We admit that we are truly terrible people because we enjoy watching “hip” christians go down in flames more than we should. This guy is the best.

The newest update in the Pitt saga is that his cousin Bailey (yes, this is a person, not a dog, named Bailey) came to his defense saying that Pitt showed a fake badge because it was: “an attempt to show the character of who he was.”

Turns out he wasn’t impersonating a cop after all guys!!!

Toss out the charges so this guy can get back to his life. It’s been weeks since the lines in his head have been freshened up! Weeks!

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Thanks Obama

We don’t know how many times we’ve told the CeeDub to avoid satire. We’re pretty sure it’s every time they try it. Like every time. Well, now they’ve gone and apologized for a political cartoon that “satirized” the loss to Auburn and something about Obama. We’re pretty sure they meant to work off of the whole “thanks Obama” meme, joke, whatever. But instead of just writing “Thanks Obama”, I dunno, maybe the Alabama player on the ground could have have looked a little frustrated or something and it could have said “thanks Obama” and IT WOULD HAVE MADE SENSE WITH THE ACTUAL JOKE, they wrote “This is what happens in Obama’s America” in a dripping shitty Halloween font. Anyway, the Blaze picked up the story and the comments are nothing short of amazing. Good job CW, you’ve managed to align yourself with Glenn Beck with one poorly thought out “political” “cartoon”. Stop trying satire. Stop.

Yeah, can’t believe no one got the joke there.

Anyway, they’ve apologized. Thanks Obama!

AJ YelpCarron

Apparently in his spare time, you know, cuz he ain’t playin today, AJ McCarron is using twitter to complain about vittles that don’t live up to the expectations of his refined pallet:

Such a good rep indeed AJ. Keep your head up #10, we hear the Cheddar’s near the mall of sorrow is daaaaaaank.

Sometimes We Get Busy

People, and sometimes we get surly. We’re coming back after the new year and we’re coming for you b-holes.

Your buttonholes people, yeesh, we’re thinking about putting some nice flowers in them, like a lil boutineer.

This is the Best Thing

UPDATE: this video needed sound. So we, erm, added some. Click the Link.

Some Jethro tried to rob a liquor store in Anniston dressed as a ghost:

Orrrrrrr, maybe he had just left a “meeting”. Who knows.

Seriously, What the Fuck is Going On

It’s like the CeeDub is baiting us. First they run a column or letter or something that starts “In society today” and now they publish this column or letter or something.

It’s about the Mentalist. Which is a program on the television. I only know this because I’ve seen a commercial or two for the Mentalist and immediately thought “who the fuck would ever watch that show?” Well, now I know because this whole column or letter or whatever is about the Mentalist and the Machine or something. It’s all very hard to follow. Someone called Red John is also involved. I don’t know how Red John is, though he sounds like a pirate of some sort. Anyway, we’re confused.

Doods Have You Been to the Ferg???

Have you doods? I was down there today. I fired up my 28.8 because I was gonna DL some sweet remixes on Kazaa, then post them to Bearshare before I connected to my DC++ hub and updated my homepage with a sweet new dancing baby gif. OMG, have you guys heard these new South Park sound clips? They’re phat. Anyway, I got a new burner so I was gonna download some songs to burn a cd. Pretty sure my diskman will read these. Gotta have tunes in the car! So I logged into this FTP site but it was a bust. Fuck it, I’ll check out some MP3 channels in IRC yo. I’m all like @find this and @find that and shit. Got some sweet Limp Bizkit and deftones. Then I got on AIM because I had an awweeesome away message and I put that shit up and went on Limewire for some Warez and FUCKING SERIOUSLY, WHY DO I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD BE WEARING JNCOS AND A GODDAMN BALL NECKLACE AND HAVE FROSTED TIPS WHEN I’M TRYING TO USE THE INTERNET AT THE FERG?

Shit is slower than fucking ATT Uverse, which is saying something.

Get it together UA, mother of god.

TOKENS, TOKENS EVERYWHERE

Y’all, 5% of bids accepted were to black girls! All the black girls in sororities can say they have a black friend now!!!!!!!

I wish she would say more letters.

Can we stop with these fucking videos already? God you are a goddamn embarrassment Jbo.

Anyway, here’s the judy bonner video. AHAHAHA, OTHER UNIVERSITIES ARE ASKING FOR WAY TO FOLLOW OUR “LEAD”??? Seriously? Our lead? That is 50 years behind? Oh jbo.

Your Mccarron Moment of Zen

AJ so fly, someone else take his selfie:

LOOK AT THIS EDGE, YO

Earnestness is the new irony. Really. Irony has become so ironic that now “hipsters” are defending shitty things they like earnestly because they’re so confused. I give you this CW column as evidence. What a brave stand. I would comment more on this, but the Simpsons covered it 17 years ago.