The Tuscaloosa News publishes a thing called “Sound Off’ every once in a while. As best as I can tell, these snippets of authentic frontier gibberish and white paranoia are transcripts of voice mail messages. I think. I think this because someone told me once that such a thing existed. I’ll be damned if I can confirm any of this, though. I can’t find this mythical phone number anywhere.
You should read these things though. They’re kind of amazing, hysterical and use the word “folks” like a motherfucker. In honor of their unintentional wisdom, I’ve decided to compose a found po-em of snippets from various Sound Offs:
Romney has been laughing,
Obama had been,
pounding on him.
the power to act as death panels,
persistent till you obtain a birth,
shooting. Very well done, indeed.
I went to WalMart, then over to Sam’s this morning.
How can people be so cruel?
folks are going to be afraid to go anywhere,
is America, not a third-world country
When are the laws going to put a stop to this type of violence?