Couldn’t Be the Shitty Artists, Could it?

Ticket sales for this summer’s season at the Amp were less than stellar. Some talking head who has something to do with something blamed it mostly on the weather. I couldn’t agree more, but it might also have something to do with the shitty artists they’ve brought in. Let’s look at who’s played recently, shall we?

Daughtry – this guy was on American Idol and looks like the lead singer from Vertical Horizon. Remember Vertical Horizon? You’re everything you want, you are are everything we need, na na na na na. Man, they should book Vertical Horizon.

Franky Beverly and Maze – now, I for one am shocked that the Jersey Boy and the former Bad Boy Records rapper didn’t sell out. Less money = more problems, yo.

Ringo Starr – yes, ol’ Richard Starkey is a Beatle. He just happens to be the Beatle no one gives a flying fuck about. You’d have more success filling an arena of children to listen to this guy sing Thomas the Tank Engine jams.

Hank Williams Jr. – even though I think this guy is a dickwad of the highest order, I’m actually surprised this one didn’t sell out.

Luke Bryan – I’m not really sure who this is. If I had to guess words to describe him though, they would be: vaguely christian, white, potentially gay porn star looking on an album cover, country, trucker hat, tailgate sippin brews.

 

So there you have it. What’s really at the root of “lagging sales” is that the amp booked a bunch of shitty artists during the summer when 30,000 potential concert goers are out of town. Real talk: nobody over 35 in Tuscaloosa is going to see a concert on a Tuesday night during the summer.

I’m still not sure why the Amp bothered with a summer season. We are blessed to live in a place where it’s damn near hospitable outside until damn near mid-November. Just go ‘head and pander like a lunatic to the students in the fall and early spring and everything will be just fine. I think the biggest mistake the Amp is making at this point is that it’s ignoring its biggest ticket purchasing base. They started off with a bang (super cheap tickets to a band the kids like) but since then they’ve kinda shit the bed. Don’t get me wrong, I love me some Patty Labelle as much as the next guy; I’m just not sure why anyone would ever book her into a venue of that size in a college town in the south. Sayin.

(if you are in any way legitimately interested in this person, you are probably a terrible person. You’ve got questionable taste in jeans at the very least.)

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One thought on “Couldn’t Be the Shitty Artists, Could it?

  1. This shit is called legacy acts,also known as shitty old casino bands that need the cash for alimony, IRS back taxes etc. Ringo will be at the Rounders when it re opens. CSN will be the old peoples early crap band at the egans xmas party.The tuscaloosa symphony orchestra is the only concert so far worth seeing. you mother fuckers are spot on. please feel free to tidy up my comments,grammers,dictions etc so that i can get back to sniffing glue. bob

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