5’s Coffee Joint

Have you been? You should go, it’s probably the closest this town is ever gonna get to an honest to goodness real live coffee shop. You see, there is this crazy thing that happens in cities all over the north easterly coast areas and west coast areas and in the pacific northwesterly areas and anywhere there’s an actual city (we’ll let Atlanta in on this purely as a technicality, but srsly fuck that place.) This crazy thing is that people go to coffee shops to drink coffee. Then sometimes they do work or they read or they hang out with friends. At coffee shops! The mind wobbles.

Anyhoo, 5’s joint (right next door to the restaurant so as to avoid confusion) is pretty close to the real deal. The decor/ambience is almost there. Just get a fucking couch or two yo. The good news is that the coffee is actually pretty goddamn good. No more are you relegated to drinking swill in a gas station bathroom (Edelweiss) or even worse coffee in tchotchke shop (Chloe’s Cup.) Now you can almost enjoy coffee just like a latte sipping liberal commie asshole who lives in a real live city. Next thing you know you’re gonna be driving a car share prius, riding your bike everywhere and joining a CSA. Ha, who are we kidding? No you won’t.

This place also has bagels and smoothies and such. I’m kinda horrified to try the bagels but I shall give them a whirl some time this week purely in the name of science.

If I had any suggestions for this place it would be these:

1. do something about the music. please. it’s so bad. so bad. how does john mayer have that many songs? seriously. he has so many songs. they are all bad.

2. hire a cranky barista. actually, you know what, fuck that.

UPDATE: I have a serious boner for this place. Their ice coffee has evaporated milk in it! It’s almost like vietnamese coffee. Fuck. Yes. Now if they’d just serve banh mi. Mmmmmm, banh mi.


3 thoughts on “5’s Coffee Joint

  1. Mike Hunt says:

    Wow, I didn’t know Ignatius J. Reilly had a child!

  2. Katie says:

    Hi there,
    I just saw your blog/post about our shop(Chloe’s Cup). While I’m surprised by your negative reaction it, I’m not offended, but intrigued to know more about why you felt the way you did! Could you please elaborate? We are a new and very small shop, so needless to say we can’t afford to be getting bad reviews! My name is Katie, I am the owners daughter and the shop is named after my daughter. In other words I do have the authority to make the necessary changes to make Chloe’s Cup better, If you give me your thoughts. How about in exchange for your time I give you a 25$ gift certificate so that you may sample our improvements free of charge?
    Thanks for your time and I look forward to hearing your opinion!
    Katie (chloescup@yahoo.com or (205)454-2931.)

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